The Brain Hack To Win Any Argument

I think this is going to be important for many of you. And tonight on Friday Night Live, what I want to give you is a gift on how to win an argument

The Four Points:

1. Appreciation:

   1. The number one thing you can do is find common ground as fast as possible. So I want you to remember in your mind that the parties you and the other person, or people want some kind of appreciation for their opinion. Both parties want some kind of appreciation for their opinion. And it's also the one thing that both people are holding back the most from the other person. And when it comes to common ground, I want to openly talk about common ground, “I see that we both agree that this is ‘x’. do we both agree?”

2. Agreement:

   1. Get very, very good at paraphrasing. If you're in an argument or any kind of negotiation, I want you to use this phrase. “It sounds to me like this is what you're saying…” and then paraphrase what they said. You're gonna see people getting these gotcha moments where they'll paraphrase someone to make them sound stupid. That is a very bad idea, because winning an argument is about getting to an outcome of the other person starting to make agreements, making them look like an idiot is stupid. It's just dumb. It doesn't do anything for you. So, the catch is to understand the other person's point well enough that you can articulate it back to them in a way that they would agree with you. So, understand it well enough that you could repeat it back and kind of paraphrase and make it a little more concise and a quick point that they would agree.

3. Alignment:

   1. Know the difference between someone making a point and spouting off about perceptual biases. Having someone's cognitive dissonance pointed out is uncomfortable. You cannot do this if you want to actually reach a good outcome you cannot point out someone's cognitive dissonance.

4. Affiliation:

   1. Let them know that they already agree with you. The ways that you can do this is by saying a few things that let them know that what they're saying and their side of the argument is already in agreement with what you're arguing about. You can say phrases  “I'm really glad that you said that because blank”, or, “I think we agree on this a lot more than you think” or “That is such a great point to bring up because…” 

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